Note: This is the fourteenth of fourteen parts. Click here to read from the beginning.
A few weeks ago, I marked the day when I’d been home from Hawaii for as long as I had been away on the trip. And I marveled at the discrepancy in how each span of time felt to me. The 18 days on Kona flew by; in comparison, it felt like I’d been home for far longer than two and a half weeks.
It felt—and still feels—like I had been home months. An entire winter.
My time on the island feels almost dreamlike now. I know I was there because I have photos, and memories—and caps from Kona Brewery beer!
I remember how sad I was the day Molly left, and I had to say goodbye to her for six more months. I remember how I then rallied and completely enjoyed my four solo days on the island. I went hiking, running, sunning, drinking it all in and storing it. I spent a day at Ho’Okena with my new friend Kathy, exploring an overgrown trail and walking back to the beach on cliffs that hovered over the crashing shore.
I remember feeling so at home, and also, near the end, home sick. I remember Mark (formerly known as Poor Guy or Alfred One) picked me up at the airport and brought me flowers and an extra winter coat.
I remember it was cold, and it’s been cold since!
As much as I’d like to go back to Hawaii for a refresher vacation, I remain happy to be home. I’m a home body after all. My world is grounded in home.
That’s why I’ve been thinking more about what home is to me. It’s the place where:
- I can paint a room and rearrange the furniture whenever I want because I have total control over my surroundings.
- I can reach instinctively for things like salt and pepper, tape and scissors, or the melatonin because I know where they are.
- I play with Eli, and where he also knows where all those things are without having to think.
- I’m surrounded by things that have meaning.
- I’m surrounded by people who have meaning.
- Sally and Eli and Mark are 10 minutes away.
- Molly currently is not.
Those last two bullet points are issues that keep me from feeling at home sometimes, even at home. My partner is 10 minutes away; he doesn’t live here. My daughters don’t live here! These are things that just are, and my learning is that I need to keep working on making me be the center of “home”—not others.
Raise your hand if you are good at that. I want to know your secrets.
These days, I’m also working on not being jealous of Molly. She loved Hawaii so much she is moving there in August. I’m envious that she can, that she has nothing that holds her back.
My learning there is I need more adventure that is within my grasp at this time in my life.
Raise your hand if you have any good ideas for me.