‘Good Effort, Not Sexual Enough’

So here’s the sad story.

The folks at the eromance blog I wanted to write for read my sample blog last Monday, the same day that I replied to their ad on Craigslist, and they responded right away. To tell me they weren’t interested in me.

I think they were interested in the kind of person who can tell the difference between a vibrator and a cigar case. What they told me, in the shortest, most cryptic email I have ever received is: “Good effort but not sexual enough.”

Because the email was so cryptic, with no greeting or closing or contact information, for a few paranoid moments I thought I’d been had by an Internet scammer. But I realized a pervert would have tried to draw sexual content from me, and the eromance folks did not. They simply moved on. Besides, I also had to consider the site itself: It does indeed exist, and it has good content on a wide range of topics.

So then I thought I would push back. In the ad, they had noted that they valued persistence, and so I did consider responding to say I could be more sexual, more erotic.

That same day, I even got an email from a friend—the one who put the vibrator in the swap—about a “tantric sex class” Saturday, Jan. 31 at 1 p.m. at CLINIC Alternative Medicines in Northampton, if you want to go. I had no idea what that would be about, so I read the flyer: “The four Principles of Pleasure are a sexual and non-sexual tantric solo practice of meditation, movement, connection, and pleasure that will give you the methods to experience better orgasms and the power to be authentically whole in body in life.”

And I thought, “Hey, I could go to this and then offer the eromance folks a test blog.” I thought I’d show them I, too, could be sexual. But I realized that would mean sitting in public and listening to others talk about orgasms. And then I thought, um, no. Not that I’m against orgasms, mind you.

I came back to my center and realized that’s just not me. I reached out to eromance because I’m into romance. I’m the one in love with love, intimacy, sitting up late talking about hopes and dreams with the person you love.

I don’t want to write about—well, you know. I think the eromance people made the right call if “sexual” is the niche they need to fill on their site.

So I guess I will have to use this forum to blog on love and intimacy. And find another way to pay those pesky student loans!